The Pitfalls of Seduction
by the blanket
Summary: [ShikaIno & implied others.] Hey, baby. What’s a hot man like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? Ino groaned and went back to beating her head against the wall.
1. Prologue

**Title: **The Pitfalls of Seduction  
**Pairing: **Shikamaru x Ino  
**Summary: **In which Shikamaru is oblivious, Ino is irritated, Sakura is the epitome of evil, Hinata feels guilty. And Tenten? She's just amused. Oh, and there's blackmail.

**Notes: **Sequel to _And Fortune Smiles_. Please read that—and review, yes?—to get a better idea of the backstory.

**Author's Notes: **This sequel gave me a very, very bad idea for my next Naruto story. And by "bad," I mean cracked-up. Which isn't bad for anyone, really…oh. Except for maybe Sasuke, Naruto, Shikamaru and Neji.

**Disclaimer: **No matter how many times I wish for it…nope, not mine.

* * *

Sakura hummed softly as she slipped, unnoticed, into her office. The past few days had been _wonderful_. Ever since that night, after the dinner at the Chinese restaurant, things between her and Sasuke had been… 

She sighed softly as she opened her drawer to take out the files she'd need this for this morning's rounds. Before they could reach their destination, her hands stilled at the feel of something unfamiliar. She pulled out the offending sheets of paper, brow furrowing as she tried to remember what they were.

The moment she saw what the "sheets" were, her forehead smoothed out, and her eyes took on an impish light.

_Thanks, Hinata-chan. I'll find use for these yet._

Sakura smirked wickedly as she remembered the circumstances under which the pictures were taken.

Then, still smiling widely, she picked up the phone and dialed Tenten.

* * *

Yamanaka Ino was having a Very, Very Bad Day. 

It had started the moment the sun hit her eyes this morning. In her fumbling for renewed darkness, she'd knocked over her alarm clock, and broken it. Then, when she'd bent down to pick it up, she'd hit her head on the edge of her nightstand. From the feel of it, there would be a beautifully shining bruise on her forehead by tomorrow morning.

When she'd gone to shower, she found, to her dismay, that all of the hot water had been used up.

Her favorite blouse had an obnoxious coffee stain on it, and in her fury, she'd slammed her hand down on her dresser, knocking a framed picture of her and Sakura in their younger days, from its place on the side.

As she was leaving to get to work—late, of course!—the phone had started ringing. Sakura was on the other line. She told her best friend to met her at the nearby bakery for some "girl talk," Ino could only snarl in the affirmative.

After her harried conversation with Sakura, she'd rushed to work, dodging early morning market-goers, only to find out that Ibiki-sensei and Anko-senpai were running late themselves. Ino would have to come back in about two hours.

So now she was here, stirring her coffee periodically, and, every now and then, looking with apprehension at the gleam in Sakura's eyes. Beside the medic-nin, Tenten looked like she was set to explode at any second. From the amused look in her brown eyes, and the fact that she was focusing all of her attention on her, the blonde had a sinking notion that—whatever that packet in Sakura's hands was—it did _not_ bode well for her. She looked at Hinata, who was sitting next to her, and facing Tenten. The Hyuuga heiress was twiddling her thumbs, a gesture that made Ino arch one, perfectly-sculpted eyebrow. Hinata hadn't been that way since their genin days.

What in the world had happened?

She took a closer look at the expression on the shy kunoichi's face.

Was that…_guilt_?

She dropped the napkin she'd been grasping in one clenched fist, and leveled a look of suspicion at her best friend.

"All right, Forehead. What the hell's going on? We've got one petrified Hyuuga who looks like the sky's going to fall, one awfully amused weapons mistress who smirking like the cat who just ate the cream, and then _you_…with your _mysterious_, white packet and your emergency girls' meeting. What's this all about?"

Sakura merely smiled a sickeningly sweet smile, leaned in, and asked one very simple question.

"Ino-chan…how do you feel about Shikamaru-_kun_?"

That was when Ino decided today was going to be a Very, _Very _Bad Day.

* * *

Short? Yes. But it gets lots better. This, after all, just the intro. Like I said in my notes, for more back story, read _And Fortune Smiles_. I see this particular piece stretching no more than three chapters long. Maybe four. But that's it. 

Hope you enjoyed.

Now, please make an author happy, and review? ;)


	2. The Hook

**Title: **The Pitfalls of Seduction  
**Pairing: **Shikamaru x Ino

**Summary: **In which Shikamaru is oblivious, and Ino is irritated. Blackmail pictures included.

**Notes: **Sequel to _And Fortune Smiles_. Please read that—and review, yes?—to get a better idea of the backstory.

**Author's Notes: **Chapter II, hot and spicy! Hope you enjoy it.

**Disclaimer: **No matter how many times I wish for it…nope, not mine.

* * *

Ino glared balefully at the two eager pairs of eyes across from her. Sakura's damned smirk hadn't dropped for even a moment. Tenten wasn't doing much better.

Hinata, ever the pacifist, decided to intervene before too much blood was shed.

"Ino-chan…I think, what Sakura-chan is trying to ask is, are you…do you find…that is…"

Tenten decided to take pity on her.

"Look, Ino. It's a simple question: do you want the man, or don't you?"

She made an odd sort of choking sound, and flailed her arms wildly. Around them, the rest of the patrons began to whisper.

Sakura quirked a brow.

"_Well?_" she asked, fairly drawling out the syllable.

Ino exploded.

"_No, _I don't like him! That's a stupid question to ask!" She threw her thoroughly crumpled napkin on the table and huffed in frustration. "If that's all this was about, then I'm leaving!" She'd taken only three steps before Sakura's voice stopped her again.

"My, my, Tenten-chan. Did _you_ know that Shikamaru's tongue could do that? I certainly didn't."

"Indeed, Sakura-chan. Whoever that blonde wrapped around him is, she's one lucky—"

"Um…is that Temari-san?"

That was the final straw. Quicker than the girls could blink, Ino was there again. She grabbed the pictures and frantically flipped through them, eyes widening to a state of confusion, and then mounting horror, when she finally realized what—or, more importantly, _who­_—she was seeing. After a few tense moments of silence, she bowed her head until her bangs covered her eyes. A shadow seemed to have settled on her delicate features.

"Sakura. When. Did. You. Take. These." Her voice was low, and dangerous. If she were any other girl, Sakura might have been scared. Instead, the medic-nin just smiled slyly and waved the pictures tauntingly.

"Oh, those old things?" She smiled, sugar-coated poison on glossy pink lips. "Wouldn't _you_ like to know?"

Predictably, Ino released a low growl before she started to tear them up. In her frazzled state, she wondered why Sakura wasn't stopping her, when another, more horrifying thought, hit her.

"You have copies, don't you?" she asked, voice devoid of any emotion. Her blue eyes were starting to glaze over, and Hinata gently sat her down on her previous seat. It was good timing. Her knees buckled just as she reached the chair. The blonde mentally ran through her list of options.

_I guess I **could** just tell them…I mean, they are my best girlfriends…but ugh, Sakura's unbearable when she's right about something, and she's been going on about Shikamaru and I for the better part of five years. Not something I'm looking forward to dealing with._

She shook her head. No, honestly, in this case, was not the best policy.

_I could deny it! Sakura has no proof—well, besides those pictures!—and we were all drinking that night! It's not like anyone wouldn't believe me if I said I'd had one too many._

Right. Her mind was made up.

"I don't know _what _you're talking about."

Hinata had to admire Ino. Not very many women could sound that dignified when faced with incriminating pictures of herself in various acrobatic positions—sans leotards—with their childhood friends.

"Really now? All right, then. I'm sure you wouldn't mind if we put this little collection up on the Wall, right? After all, practically everyone's been on it. Even Sasuke-kun had his fifteen minutes of fame. And seeing as how there's absolutely nothing between you and Shikamaru-_kun_, we can all just _laugh about it_. Right, Ino-chan?"

The Hokage Wall of Shame was a recent addition to the Godaime's office. As the name implied, it was a section of the wall, dedicated to showcasing Konoha's finest in some of their…less intimidating moments. It had become something of a game to the Konoha nin. The "offenses" displayed were given point rankings according to a predetermined scale of mortification. At the end of the month, the ninja with the lowest point value had to buy the first round of drinks at the next big party. Considering the number of jounin _alone_…well, it wasn't fun to lose. Ino mentally thought back to the prior "awards."

There was a picture of Naruto—twenty years-old and headed for the ANBU Captain slot—clad in fox-footie pajamas, blearily rubbing his eyes and blinking dazedly at a no-doubt smirking Sasuke, who'd wanted the honor of tacking on the first "kill" to the wall. When confronted with his picture, the affable blond had merely smiled bashfully. After, of course, he'd tried—and nearly succeeded, much to the ire of the Uchiha—to skewer the photographer with a few kunai.

Then, there'd been a picture of Kiba, sprawled on his bed, hand clutching one of the paws of a blue, stuffed puppy. Kiba had gaped for a few moments before angrily demanding to know the identity of the culprit.

The girls hadn't been left alone either. Kurenai-senpai had been livid after her graduating picture from her academy days had been posted. Gone was the sensual, voluptuous woman that the Rookie Nine knew. In her place, was a gangly girl of about eleven years old, complete with thick glasses, and an awkward smile.

Asuma-sensei had yet to let it go.

Sakura really was the devil. Ino wondered how they'd all missed it for so many years.

She gave a groan of surrender, and relaxed all of her previously tense muscles until she was little more than a pile of blonde, kunoichi goo.

"What do you want Sakura? A new kimono? A shopping spree? My soul?"

Something in her best friend's eyes softened.

"I just want you to give this a chance, Ino-chan. Let him make you happy."

Well, damn. It was rather hard to be upset when she put it _that _way. Then, the softness was gone, replaced by a mischievous look Ino was beginning to know all too well.

"And who knows? Maybe your babies will get lucky and take after him."

A muffled growl of rage was heard before Ino finally launched herself at her laughing best friends. Tenten groaned and leapt out of the way, just before her friend's manicured nails came into contact with her cheek.

Hinata sighed slightly. Well, Tsunade-sensei _had _wanted her to practice her medic-skills…

Outside the cafe, Naruto paused. Ino looked pretty angry. Should he be on hand in case she— or one of the other kunoichi—got out of control? The other customers already looked scared…

Then, he heard an inhumane screech, and shook his head.

No way in _hell_ was he going to get in the middle of a cat-fight.

After all, he may have been stupid, but he wasn't suicidal.

* * *

Shikamaru smiled.

It was a beautiful day, he was on break, and there was no Ino telling him to _get up and do something useful, damn you!_

No, it didn't get much better than this.

"Oi! Shikamaru!"

The head-tactician groaned at the interruption, and turned his head toward the source.

Uzumaki Naruto.

He watched through lidded eyes as his friend huffed, arm gripping a nearby tree for balance.

"Breathe, Naruto."

He complied, before trying to talk again.

"…did…you do some…thing...to…Ino?"

"Huh? What about that troublesome woman?"

"She…Sakura…café…claws…"

He merely quirked a brow and shrugged. Long ago, he'd called girls a nuisance because they yelled too loudly and smelled like fruits. Now, fifteen years later, he hadn't changed his opinion, merely refined it. They were still nuisances, and they still yelled…

Unfortunately, everything else had changed. They still smelled funny—_differently _he amended—but now, strawberry-scented shampoo made his head go fuzzy, instead of making him want to vomit the way it used to. Unbidden, a picture of his blonde, former teammate rose in his mind.

_Ino…_

"…ne, Shikamaru? Shikamaru?"

He smacked the hand that had been poking his cheek away.

"I'm here, Naruto."

The blond huffed.

"Yeah, you are here," he said, pointing to the ground beneath them. "But," he stated, mouth set in a stubborn line, "you're not _here_," referring to his own head.

"Troublesome," he muttered, not really referring to _this _particular loudmouth.

* * *

The damage had been minmal.

Five chairs, three glasses and two forks—courtesy of an irate weapons mistress—and Ino and Sakura were friends again. The owner had quickly forgiven his three patrons when he saw the small crowd of men that had accumulated, watching the fighting kunoichi, rapt with attention.

Almost as though there had been mud involved.

Before Hinata had healed them, the pink-haired kunoichi sported a few cuts across her cheek, and Ino had a few finger-shaped bruises to complement the one growing beautifully on her forehead. After thanking the Hyuuga heiress, the four friends settled back to hear Ino's final decision. Sakura had barely sat down before Ino began to speak.

"Fine, Sakura-chan. One date. Only because I don't want Shikamaru and I embarrassed over this." She paused, and then continued at the gleam in her friend's eyes, clearly remembering their earlier conversation. "And I'm not going to ask him, either." She crossed her arms in front of her.

"A girl's got to have her pride, after all."

Hinata spoke up, which almost surprised them all.

"But, Ino-chan…we can't exactly go up to Shikamaru-san and demand he date you…he'll know something's going on…"

Ino's eye twitched as she mentally cursed the astuteness of her best male friend.

_**Just **a friend, dammit! No matter what those stupid pictures said!_

"So what am I supposed to do?"

Then, Tenten and Sakura smiled, identical Cheshire cat smiles.

"Easy. Seduce him."

* * *

And so, we begin. I'm excited.

Sorry this was so late. School actually tried to make me work. How silly is that? Hope you enjoyed this installment! Keep your eyes out for the next one.

I hope everyone had a good holiday.

That, and that everyone's getting their alerts and reviews again.

Speaking of, please do review. :DD


	3. The Line

**Title: **The Pitfalls of Seduction  
**  
Pairing: **Shikamaru x Ino

**Summary: **In which there is much plotting. And head-banging. Only, not the good kind.

**Notes: ** Sequel to _And Fortune Smiles_.

OK, basic timeline (since I haven't updated in so long and it's very possible that all my lovely readers have forgotten what happened when). This chapter takes place on the same day/night that the events in Chapters One and Two go on. The story, as a whole, takes place a few days after _And Fortune Smiles_.

**Author's Notes: **Chapter III. I suck. Please, please forgive the lateness. I made it longer than the last, at least?

Smidgen of _Grey's Anatomy_, once again. Probably won't even catch it. ;)

**Disclaimer: **No matter how many times I wish for it…nope, none of it's mine.

* * *

"Swing your hips a bit more! That's it…pretend he's a mission target!" 

"Ugh, shut up, Forehead!"

The two of them, along with Hinata and Tenten had reconvened later that day after all of their various healing (Sakura), interrogation (Ino), teaching (Hinata), and training (Tenten) obligations had been completed. Now, after a thoroughly sinful dinner consisting of entirely too much of, well, _everything_, and plates upon plates of mochi and dango, they were lounging in Ino's bedroom for an impromptu sleepover, still contemplating her battle-plan for, _ahem_, seducing Shikamaru, or—in Sakura's words—"having him flat on his back faster than reports of abnormal amounts of cumulus, dammit!"

Ino swore under her breath as she complied with Sakura's insistent request.

"This isn't necessary, Forehead-girl. In case you've forgotten, we covered all of this in training, remember?" She swayed her hips effortlessly to prove her point, and sighed.

"Besides, if I know Shikamaru—and, I think after over ten years of interaction, I can safely say I _do—_he's going to need a lot more than just these hips and wet lips to get the point."

Sakura raised a skeptical brow.

"Shikamaru? He can't be _that_ dense. That's why you're seducing him instead of flat-out telling him you want his—"

"Sakura! Honestly, this relationship with Sasuke might have done more harm than good if you're going to be this…horny." Ino thanked Tenten for the interruption.

"Hello! Did you not hear about how long it took for him to realize that Temari was interested in him?" Ino answered the rhetorical question while attempting to tame her white-blonde hair into a messy bun with chopsticks. "Two years. On her wedding day. Her _wedding day_, Sakura. And he didn't even figure it out himself! _Gaara _had to explain why she threw those lace garters at his face."

There was a moment of silence to let that sink in. Sakura's eyes crossed at the mental picture she got of _Subaku no Gaara _explaining anything even _remotely _connected to love.

"…all right, so you have a point."

"Of course I do."

"So, what's our next course of action?" asked Hinata, clearing away the forks and leftover mochi.

Tenten stretched lazily from her reclining position on Ino's bed.

"How about a line?"

Ino snapped the chopsticks in half.

* * *

At Ichiraku, Shikamaru twitched. 

Naruto, concerned, squinted his eyes, and invaded Shikamaru's bubble.

"Oi. You ok?"

"I…have a bad feeling about tomorrow."

"A feeling? What kind of feeling? Oh! Is it like that one time I told you about? When Sasuke-teme let me drink that milk without telling me it was expired—_bastard!_—and I had to blow chunks—"

"…_No_."

"Oh…what kind, then?"

The shadow user sighed mournfully.

"The kind that tells me I shouldn't even bother leaving my bed tomorrow."

* * *

"A _line_? You want me to use a _pick-up line_? Are you freaking _kidding _me?" 

Ino threw herself on the bed in despair.

"This is never going to work."

She felt her weight shift on her bed and lifted her head from the shelter of her arms to see her three friends smiling at her.

Now, now, this isn't the Yamanaka Ino I know and…well, this isn't the Yamanaka Ino I know."

"Screw you, Sakura. Why are you so desperate to see this work, anyway? Just because you're living in happy, sappy, might-as-well-be-wedded bliss, doesn't mean the rest of us have to. Or want to."

The pink-haired woman smiled, unaffected by the anger in her best friend's voice. Because she was, really. Despite the year(s)-long argument over the Uchiha—_your fault!_ her Inner Self often liked to remind her—and their numerous mini-fights over everything from the last babydoll top on sale (which Sakura usually won), to who could get the most free drinks at the local nightclub (Ino was currently three up), they were best friends. Tenten and Hinata were getting there, and her boys (her Sasuke-kun in particular) had a special place in her heart, but Ino…was Ino.

Ino was the first. She'd made Sakura believe.

"Ino, you swooned over Sasuke-kun for three years," Sakura raised her hand when the blonde started to interrupt. "After realizing that he and I were meant to be—here, Ino choked on air, and possibly her vomit—"you gave up on him, and then, for some God-forsaken reason, turned to Sai. _Sai, _Ino. You remember him, right? The guy who walks around in tight belly shirts—"

"Though," Tenten interrupted, "he does have nice abs…_very _nice." Sakura snorted—but didn't deny it—and continued as though she hadn't even been interrupted.

"—and makes comments about penises? PENISES, Ino. Really, sometimes I wonder about you."

Sakura swiped the green nail polish on Ino's nightstand, giving it a speculative look before turning back to her friends.

"Then, after him, came the parade of most perverse, degenerate _losers_ Konoha has been unfortunate enough to ever produce. Let's see. There was Satoshi."

"He was nice," defended Hinata, ever the positive one.

"Yes, Hinata-chan. But he was also fond of picking his ears with his chopsticks." Tenten looked up at the clock. "Oh, shoot. I'll be right back guys." She padded off in the direction of the kitchen. Sakura, who'd changed into a pair of Ino's sweats, decided to continue.

"Hmm. Who was next? Oh right, Kaoru. Now, personality-wise, he was pretty OK."

"He was sweet! No, he was more than sweet! Hinata-chan, back me up here! He was probably the nicest guy in Konoha. And he was cute. Adorable, even. Bluer eyes than mine! Plus, he was always on time. He was—"

"Absolutely, irrevocably, completely, utterly gay? Yeah, we figured that when we caught him sucking face with a picture of Kakashi-sensei. Well, as much as anyone can make-out with matte paper." Tenten, who'd sauntered in at the end of Ino's rant with a plateful of cookies fresh from the oven, placed it on the floor and proceeded to look through her friend's cramped drawers for an oversized shirt to wear to sleep.

Ino pouted.

"Um…you're all forgetting Nobu-san. He was very nice. And he was handsome."

"Once again, good points Hinata-chan. But he was thicker than Naruto. The guy could barely hold kunai the right way. I'd like my godchildren to have some modicum of sense, and I know they're not getting it from their mom."

"Old, Forehead. You used that one yesterday. Maybe you're losing your touch?"

"Whatever. Anyway, after him, there was Ritsuo. Then, Kazuma. And then, Shigeru. All of them so uninteresting I can't even be bothered to come up with appropriate descriptions."

"Was there a point to this, Forehead-girl? Because I'm going to have to special order a thicker skin if you're not done yet."

"Of course there's a point. And it is, that quite honestly, you have been dating below your standards. You've been messing around, flitting from guy to guy, when you absolutely know that there's nothing waiting for you when everything's all said and done. Your relationships last a maximum of three months and then, you're on the prowl again." She paused, not quite sure how to phrase what she wanted to say.

"Honestly, it's like you're trying not to tie yourself down. You had to know that your relationships weren't going anywhere. And you had to know that those guys were beneath you—we told you enough! It's like you purposely went out after guys you knew you wouldn't be committing to…almost like…" She trailed off, a look of dawning comprehension in her eyes.

"Almost like you were saving yourself for somebody else."

Ino groaned in abject misery at the misty, sappy, _ugh_, romantic look in her best friend's eyes, as around them, the world's smallest violins began to play.

* * *

Nara Shikamaru sighed as he waved goodbye to Naruto and made his way home. Something had been bothering him lately, and he couldn't quite put a label on it. The feeling came and went, and with Naruto's antics as a distraction, he'd nearly forgotten about it. Now that he was alone, the anxiety came back in full-force. 

It wasn't so much a feeling of serious dread—one he generally associated with catastrophes like death, or grave injury.

Or lack of shade in summer.

No, it was more a feeling of impending doom.

Something was coming.

"Tch. Troublesome."

* * *

"OK, so which one?" Tenten was poring over one of Sakura's datebooks, a furry-red paperback left over from her pre-teen infatuation with the man she was currently dating. She tossed the book over to Sakura, who, after catching it mid-flight, handed it to Hinata to peruse. Her hands were currently full with scrubbing off the shade of forest green nail polish she'd painted on. It would be pretty pointless to have it on if she was going to chip it off in training tomorrow anyway. 

Besides, she'd already memorized the book by heart.

She ignored the thumping sound oh Ino banging her head against the wall and raised her voice to be heard above the din.

"Well, it depends on what reaction Ino wants."

Hinata moved over to where Ino was making a dent in her pretty lavender wall, and shielded her head from (further) damage.

"Ino-chan, what would you like?"

"To die."

"So sorry, but that's not an option. Try again?"

She sighed, resigned to the fact that she was indeed going to make an ass out of herself in front of the guy she might possibly_ (maybesortofkindofALLRIGHTJUSTSHUTUPALREADY) _like.

"…What've you got?"

Sakura looked like her Sasuke-kun had just proposed a lifetime of living in absolute decadent sin.

"I've got one. 'Hey, baby. What's a hot man like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?'"

Tenten snickered.

"That's pretty good, but listen to this. 'Pardon me, but are you a screamer or a _moaner_?'"

"Mmm...that one's pretty direct."

Hinata coughed.

"Um…there's this one. 'Hello. I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart.'"

There was utter, absolute silence.

For about three seconds.

Then, Sakura, Tenten, and Hinata (that _traitor_!) laughed and laughed and laughed some more.

Ino went back to beating her head against the wall.

* * *

Um. Yeah. I don't know either. Next chapter will have more action. 

Until next time, my ever-so-lovely readers and _**review**_ers. :)


End file.
